Swimsuit Season

Ahhh, the first time to go swimming after you have had a baby…

It doesn’t matter if it’s your first child or your fifth. It doesn’t matter if it’s been two months since you have had your child or two years. The first time you fight your way into that bathing suit there is a daunting feeling. That bathing suit that has been staring at you from it’s drawer, sending out an invisible pulse that reaches into your very heart and squeezes the breath out of you every time you glance it’s way, even when the drawer is shut. The first feeling is a blessed relief. It still fits! Then a sinking thought. Of course it still fits, it’s made of stretchy material that could clothe a hippopotamus if need be. Because this is the bathing suit you bought when you were three months pregnant and already at whale proportions. Your mind races back; who saw you that day? Will they recognize the suit? Will they realize your terrible secret, that you really haven’t lost ALL the baby fat? You gather yourself together and step in front of the full length mirror. A horrified gasp finds it’s way from your very soul. Those clumps on your thighs… lumpy, pasty things that look like they had their origins in an alien make-up artist’s box… surely they weren’t there before! No, these things must not be seen. You begin to grab articles of clothing. These shorts will cover the worst of the damage, this t-shirt will hide the arms that somehow grew two inches of flab since you last wore a tank-top, and these huge, aviator sunglasses will camouflage the dark craters under your eyes. Perfect. You check one last time. Yes, you are adequately covered enough to avoid being an embarrassment to yourself or others. Then another thought burns itself into your brain. What about if you get wet? That is, after all, the point of all this, is it not? What if the water, while cool and refreshing, reveals more than you are prepared to share with the general public? A shower test is definitely in order. After all, it’s for the good of humanity.